Your Burnout Isn't From Working Too Hard — It's This

Here's what I've come to understand — and what I see in my clients too. We look at our schedules, our workloads, our never-ending to-do lists, and we think that's the problem. But the overwork? That's actually the symptom. The root cause is this deep, almost subconscious pressure we carry to be the strong one. To be reliable. To be excellent. To never let anyone down. And until we name that pressure for what it is, cutting back on work alone won't fix a thing. You'll just find new ways to justify why you have to overextend yourself.

One of the things I've been noticing — both in myself and in the women around me — is how often we go after things we don't actually want. The promotion. The extra responsibility. The leadership role that comes with double the stress. Not because we want it... but because we feel like we're supposed to want it. Because if we're not being ambitious, then we must be lazy. And that thought alone keeps us grinding toward things that don't even light us up. That's not ambition, love. That's pressure wearing a mask.

When I say this is a boundaries problem, I don't just mean boundaries with your job or your manager. I mean boundaries with yourself. With the voice inside that says you can't sit down yet. That tells you resting means you're falling behind. I went back into a work environment recently and made a decision — I'm acting my wage. I'm not being over-responsible. I'm not trying to fix every problem that isn't mine to fix. And you know what happened? I was so bored at work I almost dozed off. And it was the most peaceful thing. Because for once, I wasn't running on that internal pressure to prove something to no one.

This is the part that really matters. So much of our identity is wrapped up in being the strong one. The dependable one. The one everyone can count on. And when that's who you are... rest feels like betrayal. But who are you outside of that? Who are you when you're not performing strength? That's the question we start with inside Jaiye with Rashidat — reconnecting with your identity outside of the work. Because once you start separating who you are from what you produce, everything shifts. The pressure loosens. The guilt fades. And you start making decisions from a place of who you want to be instead of who you feel obligated.

I watched my mother — 80 years old, the original strong Black woman — finally start to accept help. And it made me think... I don't want to wait until I'm incapable of taking care of myself to start receiving support. I want to receive help now, while I'm still standing. And maybe, just maybe, I'll last longer because I didn't try to do it all alone.

That's what I want for you too. You don't have to earn your softness. You don't have to break before you rest. And you definitely don't have to keep being the strong one just because that's the only version of yourself anyone's ever seen.

If this episode hit home and you're ready to stop managing the symptoms and start addressing what's really underneath — I'd love for you to join us inside Jaiye with Rashidat. It's where we do this work for real. Not just talk about it, but actually reconnect with who we are, build boundaries that hold, and design a life that doesn't require us to be the strong one 24/7. Check it out here: 👇🏾https://iamrashidato.com/jaiye