I took this job intentionally. Not to climb a ladder, not to impress anyone — I took it to fund my business, regulate my nervous system, and create more space to show up for my community. And yet somewhere in the first three months, I found myself overextending, overgiving, and coming home on my days off with anxiety about a place I wasn't even at. I had to ask myself: what's actually going on here? And what part of this is mine?
Why Does My Job Feel Toxic Even When I Chose It?
Every company has some level of toxicity — because companies are made of people, and people aren't perfect. What I found in my first three months was a company without clear SOPs, without clear definitions of what success looks like, without any real structure for knowing if you're doing well or not. That's not just frustrating. It's a setup for failure. When there's no clear yes or no on what success looks like, you end up at the mercy of whoever's having a bad day. And that's exhausting.
But here's what I had to get honest about: there were three things creating the toxic dynamic. The company. My coworkers. And me. And out of those three, the only one I actually had control over was me.
Why Do I Feel Anxious on My Days Off From Work?
On my days off, I was having anxiety about a job I wasn't even at. I'd get home and immediately start dreading going back. I couldn't shake it. And then someone asked me a question that changed everything: what specifically is causing the anxiety? Not "the job" as a vague thing — what exactly?
When I finally sat still with that question, the answer surprised me. I didn't trust my coworkers. I'd been forcing myself to be friendly, to make connection, to show up warm for people I had no real reason to trust. And the moment I was able to put words to that, it was like permission. Permission to stop forcing it. Permission to still show up happy — but to stop handing my energy to people who hadn't earned it.
If you read that and felt something — if you recognized yourself forcing connection in places where you don't feel safe...
The Clarity Code Assessment will help you see exactly where you're overextending and what it's costing you. Less than five minutes.
It’ll help you see what’s actually keeping you stuck in the burnout cycle, and how to start creating more peace and freedom without losing your drive.
Is It Ever Your Fault That Work Is Draining You?
I know this is the part people don't want to hear. The job is toxic. The coworkers are negative. Why would any of that be my responsibility? And I want to be clear — I'm not taking responsibility for the company's dysfunction or other people's behavior. What I'm talking about is something different.
I was overgiving. I was going in there with all my ambition, trying to learn everything fast, trying to be excellent, trying to build relationships, trying to pull the energy up. Nobody asked me to do any of that. That was all me. And when I kept burning through energy that way and then blamed the environment for my depletion — I had to get honest. Some of that exhaustion was mine to own.
Why Is Being the Happy One at Work So Exhausting?
One of my coworkers pulled me aside and said: "You're the bubbly Black woman. The rest of us are just bitter." And she wasn't wrong. But she helped me see something I couldn't name before — it's genuinely hard to be the only happy person in a room where everyone else has given up. Not because their bitterness is contagious. But because when you're the only one bringing light, you feel the weight of it constantly.
What saved me was remembering why I was there. I'm not happy about the job. I'm happy about what the job is funding — my business, my freedom, the things I'm building. The job doesn't get to touch that. I had to create a line between what I give them and what I protect for myself.
How Do You Stop Letting Coworkers' Negativity Drain You?
A woman I met at the gym told me she wants to be the elevator. Not the person looking for buttons to push — the elevator itself. With no buttons for anyone to find. So if someone wants to take her to her lowest low, there's no button for that floor. They can only go where she takes them.
I went to work the next day thinking about her. Because I realized I had been handing people my buttons like welcome gifts. Here — take this one. Here's another. And then wondering why I kept ending up on floors I didn't choose. I'm keeping my buttons now.
What Does It Actually Look Like to Stop Overgiving at Work?
There's a quote I saw — it said: "Don't work eight hours a day for someone else's company, then go home and not work on your own goals. You're not tired. You're uninspired." That hit me. Because I had been pouring everything into a job that was never asking for everything. And then I'd come home with nothing left for the things that actually matter to me.
What changed was this: I decided to give them their money's worth. Not more. I'm going to show up, do good work, be who I am — and then I'm going to take the rest home with me. For my business. For my dreams. For the version of my life I'm actually building. That boundary wasn't them asking for less. It was me choosing to give less — and keeping the rest for the things that deserve my best.
If you're tired of giving everything to a job and having nothing left for the life you're actually trying to build, Jaiyé with Rashidat is where we do this work together.
It's my flagship course and community built around helping ambitious women stop overgiving from obligation and start living from overflow. Not just surviving work — building a life around what actually matters.
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